I’m struggling right now. The on going war between the Creative Me and the Rational Me recently reached atomic bomb proportions.
Creative Me is pulling me to quit my job and run barefoot through the green grass (well, right now, piles of snow!). I want to ditch my scrubs for long flowing skirts and dresses, wear fun jewelry and put dreadlocks in my hair. I want to lose myself for hours in a museum, a book and (most pressingly) my own writing. The urge to create bubbles to the surface and my fingers itch to plant flowers, knit a snood or play the piano. Frustration consumes me as I try to cram some kind of creativity into the limited free time I have during the day.
Currently, Rational Me is winning out, basically because it’s my job right now. I work as a school nurse. I do nurse type things for 8 hours 5 days a week. I read about disease trends, treat students, write notes, study up on new advancements and learn the ever changing laws here in New York State (trust me, they are too numerous to count!).
Soon Rational Me will take up the bulk of my free time as well. Many states require nurses to hold a Bachelors in Nursing in order to continue practicing. There rumblings of a similar here in NYS grow daily. I will start for my own Bachelors in a few months. (Another frustration, I already hold a Bachelors degree in Biology. Apparently, that is not good enough to either keep my license or to pursue higher education in nursing.)
Nursing also requires creativity (inventing ways to encourage my patients to follow doctor’s orders, finding fun ways to educate students, and doing my best to be tactful when speaking with difficult parents), but not enough to keep Creative Me happy.
Merging the two sides of me can be done, but it is hard. Both sides want to be in charge, to make decisions and control my future. When I look into my past, I can tell which side of me has been in charge at certain points in time. Thankfully, neither of them caused my life spiral out of control.
In my present situation I need to be careful. The Rational Me is all too happy to be ruling over Creative Me. If I’m not watchful, Creative Me will stage a coup and I’ll wake up one morning to find myself covered in tattoos, living in a cave. (Not that I wouldn’t mind living like that, but then Rational Me would be miserable.)